No one likes the idea of their parents growing old, but it’s an inevitable part of life we all must deal with at some point. When this happens, it’s not uncommon for there to be disagreements about what to do. These disagreements tend to occur often when one sibling takes care of the parents, and the others have different ideas for how to care for them. Resolving these conflicts is necessary to provide the best care possible for your loved one, which is why it’s useful to uncover common caregiver issues siblings might experience and some solutions to solve them.
What Causes Sibling Conflict in Elder Care?
Disagreements among siblings about caring for elderly parents are not uncommon, and they’re often linked back to a few specific issues. A major source of tension is when caregiving duties aren’t shared equally. If one sibling shoulders most of the responsibility, it can lead to resentment and burnout, particularly if others seem less involved due to distance, personal commitments, or reluctance.
Money matters also spark disputes. The costs of elder care can be high, and siblings might clash over how to handle these expenses. Arguments may occur over whether to use family savings, seek outside financial help, or how inheritance might influence caregiving choices.
Deciding on the right care for a parent can also divide siblings. Some may prefer keeping their parent at home with support, while others might advocate for assisted living or specialized services like memory care. These differences often stem from varying perceptions of the parents’ needs or past family dynamics.
Power dynamics add another layer of complexity, particularly if one sibling has power of attorney. This can create feelings of imbalance and mistrust, with concerns about whether decisions reflect everyone’s wishes. Questions may even arise, such as “Can a sibling with power of attorney prevent other siblings from seeing a parent?” The answer can be complicated, depending on the parents’ mental abilities.
Strategies for Resolving Sibling Conflicts
Handling disagreements among siblings about caring for an elderly parent is possible, but you’ll need careful planning and cooperation. Here are some practical ways to address these challenges:
Open Communication and Regular Meetings
Regular family meetings offer a chance to discuss care plans, address any concerns, and update everyone on the parent’s condition. Setting ground rules, like allowing each person to speak without interruption and focusing on finding solutions, can make these discussions more productive and less prone to fights. This approach helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures everyone’s voice is heard.
Role Clarification and Task Division
Defining roles and responsibilities can ease tensions and ensure caregiving duties are shared fairly. A clear care plan that outlines each sibling’s tasks helps manage expectations and reduce resentment. One sibling might handle medical appointments while another manages finances, allowing each sibling to contribute based on their strengths and availability.
Seeking Mediation or Professional Guidance
If conflicts continue despite open communication, bringing in a neutral third party can help. A family therapist or mediator can facilitate discussions, helping siblings overcome emotional barriers and reach agreements. Professional guidance can provide new perspectives and strategies for resolving disputes, keeping the focus on your parents’ best interests.
Ensuring the Best Care for Your Parent
The main goal of all of this is to ensure your parent receives the care they need. Doing so means prioritizing the parents’ needs and preferences in all decisions. Evaluating care options is one of your main tasks, whether you’re considering memory care for cognitive impairments, independent living for maintaining autonomy, or assisted living for more support.
Resolve Sibling Conflicts and Find the Best Care for Your Parent
Being able to resolve sibling conflicts is a helpful part of maintaining the well-being of elderly parents. By addressing common tensions and using effective strategies, families can work together to provide compassionate care for their loved ones in their later years.
For those seeking professional support, CarePartners Senior Living offers resources and services to guide families through this journey. Contact us for help in finding the right care solution for your loved one.
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